YOUR SPY NAME
(middle name and current street name)

Jane Cordwallis

She’ll escape. She sounds dull, would probably pass under most people’s radar. Also, she almost definitely goes like the clappers in the bedroom

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother/grandfather on your dad's side and your favourite candy-bar)

W.M. Topic

Now starring in multi Oscar-nominated box office smash, It’s Those Fucking Squirrels Again alongside Meryl Streep, Ray Winstone and Barry Scott (Golden Globe 2004 winner for Bang! And The Dirt is Gone!).

YOUR RAP NAME
(first initial of first name and first 3,4 or 5 letters of your last name)

E Bird

So my rap name is the same as my actual name? I’m the most disappointing rapper since, oh, all of them really.

YOUR GAMER TAG
(a favourite colour, a favourite animal)

Green Elephant

Like I’d have a gamer tag without the word “Arse” in it. Tsk. Like I'd have a gamer tag, come to think of it. Double tsk.

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name, and the city you were brought up in)

Edith Enniscorthy

Coronation Street, 7.30, ITV:
It’s filthy granny action in The Kabin as Rita finally puts her bi-curiosity to rest with Edith behind the biscuit shelf. Vera joins in wielding a Vaseline coated packet of low-fat Hobnobs. Meanwhile, Kevin suspects he may be pregnant. Subtitles available for the deaf or stupid.

YOUR STAR WARS NAME
(first three letters of your last name, last three letters of mother's maiden name, first three letters of your pet's name)

Bir Len Ber

I do hope I have fur. And a tail, I’d love to have a big bushy tail. I'd keep it nice and clean, wrap it round me in winter and shave it into rude shapes in summer. Oh the times, we'd have; me and my tail. Where were we again?

PORN STAR NAME
(first pet's name, the street you grew up on)

Minette Moran

Minette is well respected and admired among the porn industry and clergy for her ability to dislocate all her joints and bring herself to a powerful orgasm with her own hipbone (connected to the kneebone). See her now in Anal Fistfuck Fest Five (Nice cup of Bovril and a Chat).

SUPERHERO NAME
("The", your favourite colour and the car your dad drives)

The Green Bicycle

Fear me O Nemesis! I have a puncture repair kit and an aching arse!

YOUR ACTION HERO NAME
(first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

Maria Stew

She climbs, she shoots, she contains potatoes…